It is easy to get into a tempest of miserable feelings when something doesn’t happen as you wished it would. It is natural and bound to happen. I do not believe when somebody says, “I did not lose hope or give way to feelings of loss when what I wanted did not happen then.” (Frankly, I think its bull****. In our Hyderabadi terms, “shaaney marna”. No mercy at all.) Yes, they must have eventually felt that, but, as far as I know for a fact, no normal human being immediately feel that way, if and when they have really worked hard and put forth their best for it to happen and it doesn’t. Eventually, one would get over it, sooner or later and decide to not give up and hustle harder, but not immediately. No.
Why am I talking of all this? A part of Living through 2016, happened because of my not getting what I wanted, or to say, my non-winning of something(s) which I really put my best into, striven hard, and still was unable to achieve them. Forget reaching at least near to the result, things just did-not-happen. Many of them did not happen because, I know for a fact that, I did not really do them with my heart, leave working hard. I know it, and I am not really unhappy of their results. But, there are those few things that I really wanted them to work out, and I put my complete self into them. I so wanted them to happen. But, as I told you previously, they did not.
Well, I wasn’t “devastated” and all (at least not immediately), but, I wasn’t at all happy or “ok with it” either. I was both confused and sad. Confused because I did not know what went wrong, sad because I did my best, and clearly my best is not any better at all. I must be just… plain.
So, what should I be doing? Lucky enough for me, that even in those really confused and sad states, I did not want to give up. I was almost crying, but I did not want to stop myself from pursuing those endeavours. I did not (and still do not) like the fact that things are not happening at the time and pace I want them to happen, but I did not (and do not) want to give up.
Note: This post was supposed to come WAY early, but yeah, it did not happen. \_()_/
Thoughts of a Strolling Mind 