The Feelings of a “Non”-Winner

It is easy to get into a tempest of miserable feelings when something doesn’t happen as you wished it would. It is natural and bound to happen. I do not believe when somebody say, “I did not lose hope or give way to feelings of loss when what I wanted did not happen then.” (Frankly, I think its bull****. In our Hyderabadi terms, “shaaney marna”. No mercy at all.) Yes, they must have eventually felt that, but, as far as I know for a fact, no normal human being immediately feel that way, if and when they have really worked hard and put forth their best for it to happen and it doesn’t. Eventually, one would get over it, sooner or later and decide to not give up and hustle harder, but not immediately. No.

Why am I talking of all this? A part of Living through 2016, happened because of my not getting what I wanted, or to say, my non-winning of something(s) which I really put my best into, striven hard, and still was unable to achieve them. Forget reaching at least near to the result, things just did-not-happen. Many of them did not happen because, I know for a fact that, I did not really do them with my heart, leave working hard. I know it, and I am not really unhappy of their results. But, there are those few things that I really wanted them to work out, and I put my complete self into them. I so wanted them to happen. But, as I told you previously, they did not.

Well, I wasn’t “devastated” and all (at least not immediately), but, I wasn’t at all happy or “ok with it” either. I was both confused and sad. Confused because I did not know what went wrong, sad because I did my best, and clearly my best is not any better at all. I must be just… plain. 

So, what should I be doing? Lucky enough for me, that even in those really confused and sad states, I did not want to give up. I was almost crying, but I did not want to stop myself from pursuing those endeavours. I did not (and still do not) like the fact that things are not happening at the time and pace I want them to happen, but I did not (and do not) want to give up.

Note: This post was supposed to come WAY early, but yeah, it did not happen. \_()_/

 

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Five Ways to Win My Heart

Note to my reader: This post is a part (#6) of ’30 Day Writing Challenge’ that I found on Pinterest. The challenge is a collection of simple writing prompts.

This is both tricky and out-of-my comfort zone.

Ok, so all the greaaat fiiiive waaaays I am listing below are self explanatory and hence, this is just going to be a list. Aeenjooyy!

1. You are a little baby (literally, I mean! o.O )
2. You are polite to/smile at people no matter their economic – financial “stature”. In other words, you treat humans as humans

Gosh! This is difficult; I never reflected about myself in these terms!

3.

Ufff! I am just not getting anything!
Oh! Oh! Oh! I know!

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3. You are Roger Federer ! ❤
4. You try to ‘go green’, practise to be a ‘minimalist’, believe in sustainability; in short, you care about your carbon footprint, you care about the nature, environment, and earth.
5. You are Mr.Darcy (If you don’t know who he is, then just RUN AWAY FROM ME! 😡 )

GIF: Internet

Maaaan, that was hard ! ^^’

Donning a Contagious Smile

Note to my reader: This post is a part (#2) of  ’30 Day Writing Challenge’ that I found on Pinterest. The challenge is a collection of simple writing prompts.

I was at a meet and greet with the immediate next batch of people of a course I had taken recently. Mutual greetings were happening. I went up to one of them and he said to me, “I see that you are always smiling.”

I was confused. It was not a usual first greeting. “Sorry?”, said I. “You always have that pleasant smile on you. You see, we always get these, ‘Smile. It costs nothing.’ kind of ‘forward’ messages on whatsapp; you are actually doing that.” It felt GOOD! 😀

I was surprised at the person’s observation and he immediately connecting it to that “whatsapp forwards” message. When I thought about it later on, I was astounded by how actually true that connection was.

Back in the day (sorry for such an old school phrase. I know it kinda projects me as an old person. But, you will see how relevant that phrase here is) when the internet (I am still talking about the LAN connection, not Wi-fi), forget whatsapp or even smartphones for that matter, was not yet a household thing, there was this wall poster that was quite famous and could be found almost at every household and informal meeting places:                      

This was when I was 8-11 years old and frankly, it influenced me. It influenced me to smile, always, at anybody and everybody, no matter their economic-financial status. It lets me make friends with people of all sorts at various walks of my life. My networking starts with my smile. A genuine welcoming smile every time I meet a person, even if it is the same person for a 100th time.

What is the give-away from this story, you ask? Smile A LOT, my dear you! It not only brings up one on the other person, it will bring upon an even bigger one on you. And, you can boast about it all day to everybody, like I am doing now! ^_^

Cheers!

Image: Internet

Living Through 2016

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It is that time of the year where we sit down and rewind the whole calendar year and make plans and/or prepare to make “resolutions” for the one coming up. I am not going to talk about my resolutions (because I don’t make any at the “beginning” of any year. I make them whenever they are required irrespective of the calendar), but to review my life in 2016.

*sigh* Right.

2016 was not a great year definitely, not a “good” year either. It was the result of many, if not all, of my worst decisions in the past (a few the then present ones too). Wait. Let me drop a disclaimer before I go any further.

Disclaimer: I blame no one but myself. I am not looking for sympathy. I am writing this because I want to write about it. 

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So, yeah. Not a good year. Nothing, literally NOTHING, of what I wanted to happen, no matter how hard I tried, happened. I went through A LOT of anxiety and depression resulting in anger management issues (I am already quite cranky by default. Sometimes. 😀 ), dangerous negative thinking, procrastination etc. Although I got over depression, anxiety still, to an extent, persists. And, completely irregular sleeping patterns, the inability to get myself to sit down and do something, and when I do sit down, the inability to focus and stop my mind from drifting away… *Shrug*

Then, what did I do? I told myself, “If I can let this happen to myself, I can undo it too.” So, I started meditating and yoga. It was not easy to just start off. Once I did start, I was not consistent either. On and off, on and off. But, they did help. I could see the difference in just two days of starting meditation; meditating for just five minutes. But, like I told you, it was and is difficult for me to just make myself to sit down and do any thing. (Even writing this post, completing this post.)

In spite of all this, at the end of the day, or should I say, by the end of the year, I am a survivor. I have got those survivor instincts. And, for you to survive, you have to battle. Did I win the battle? No. Not yet. But, I know I am on that exact path of winning. My shield is growing stronger day-by-day, my strategies are getting better. There are still those moments where I break down, almost completely, but then, I know I survive. And, that’s what prepares me to be the winner. I got over depression, I will get over with this anxiety. I know I will.

Image: Internet

‘Like’ – ‘Love’ – ‘Hate’ – are they mere nouns?

“Like” / “Love” / “Hate” – words which are very often used by us in our daily life. To opine any one of the above on anything – be it a food item, a materialistic being, a human being, an animal, a whole concept, a movie etc. – one must be possessing, if not a thorough knowledge, some basic knowledge to brood over and have an opinion – whether they love it or like it or hate it.

In certain things like a favourite colour, one cannot explain why one likes it. It just – happens, I agree. But when it comes to people, concepts – religion or politics for example – I hear many people quite comfortably declare, “I hate politics” / “I hate the concept of religion. It’s so nonsensical! Blah Blah Blah!”. And when asked the reason behind the hatred / love of it, they’re merely at sea. They do not know what to say. They use the famous fillers, “It’s, you know, so bad. There’s no good out of it, right?” Seriously dear, if you want to confirm if I know it or not or if I think it’s right or wrong, believe me, you do not know anything of what you’re talking.

I do not understand, why is it so necessary for people to come to conclusions so easily by just looking at one side of the story. They see a news clip where they show people arguing (quarreling might be the appropriate word 😉 ) in the parliament and immediately conclude – “I hate politics!” They read about some religious clashes occurring in some place in a newspaper, “I don’t like religion. It causes hatred!”
People, instead of just being judgemental, why don’t we for the ‘why’ of what is happening? I assure you, then your view of the situation would be quite different.

Understanding the concepts like politics, religion, art, science etc., is very much necessary because they’re some of the most crucial happenings in our lives on a daily basis. The cost of your everyday travel is increasing – our governing body has taken a decision, implying, politics and so does religion play a crucial role in our daily activities – it makes both friends and foes out of people (so does  politics). [Even religion influences politics and vice versa. Everything is connected to everything else! ]

We must remember that, if politics or religion or any other is has the power of creating destruction, then it must be some profound concept to be able to influence people to perform such acts. Also, when there is destruction, it means there was creation too. Hence, that principle / concept has the power to create superior actions. And even after so much chaos, we must realize that these principles are still predominant in our world. They don’t just melt away.

So, before we fall to conclusions by looking at a mere piece of news, we must understand what is it that we are looking at. And we do not lose anything by reading about the so “infamous” politics / religion. Instead, our knowledge and understanding of the subject increases, our analytical skills would be nurtured, in turn building our character.

“Like” / “Love” / “Hate” are words which are to be used wisely. They are not just mere nouns at our disposal.

Your reflections are awaited, dear readers!

Re- , Re- , Re- …… reading!

Hello readers! Welcome back to my blog spot!

For a long time I have this habit of re-re-re-…reading books. Mind you, its just not “re-reading”, but many a times re-re-re-…reading.[How many, depends on the book 😉 ]. First of all, let me tell you that I am an avid reader. I just cannot stay without reading something that is not in my syllabus or which is not connected to my studies. Well, I do extra-read for my courses, don’t take it otherwise, but, staying without reading fiction or history or things that are not of my stream (Physics – Science) is just not possible.
So, when I really like some book, it stays in my mind. I know its not something that’s unique to me, it happens to everyone of us. And sometime in the future, when I want to read something and I don’t have access to something new and that caught my eye, I return to my bookshelf and pick an already read book for a re-read. Again some other time in the future next, I might end up picking the same book and re-re-read. And this might repeat. This happens with many books.
Here’s what one of my favourite author had to say about, well, ‘the title of this post’ – “If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use in reading it at all.” – Oscar Wilde. Well, not that I completely agree with him – I’ll discuss about my opinion on the quote another time, this post is not the right place for that discussion – I do agree to an extent. Really, if one cannot enjoy re-reading a book, it’s not really an attractive, pleasant (or whatever fancy adjective one may add) read, if you ask me. It’s just a good read, may be can be thought of and discussed about at a coffee table, but then… na!
         Re-reading a book is like flipping through an old album / photos – re-visiting your memories. While I browse through my rack and pick up a book for re-reading, I go back to the memory of how it felt when I read the book the first time and if I am picking it up for more than twice, I am re-visiting all the memories how it felt each time I read. When I read each situation in story, I know what’s going to happen next but dare not skip a single line in between because it’s just not story I am reading but also the description of it, the thoughts of the characters, the narrator, the author and their perspective of a situation, of a person, of an object, of a being – I am reading their mind! So, I cling to each and every word again and again and again.

         And, (this observation was made when I was re-reading ‘classics’ especially) whenever I re-read more than once, twice etc., certain sentences / phrases / situations / meanderings give a different meaning; they give me a different meaning or understand them better than I did the last time I read it. It reflects how much I changed in the way I think, see and understand things, look at a situation than before; how much I grew, how much more matured / childish I’ve become. So, when I re-read things I know myself better, I am looking at the new me. Of course, it also shows in the new books we pick-up each time, but not as distinct as in re-reading. (There always a pattern in the new books we select).

Saying this, the first book I’ve re-read, if I remember correctly, is Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, [I’m confusion between this and The Guide by R. K. Narayan. But 85% its the former 😀 ] – I have read it 3 times and would want to read sometime again. Currently I’m re-re-re-re-reading (4th time, you see) the Harry Potter series by J. K. Rowling – I just love the book! I read and re-read writings in the Telugu language (my mother-tongue) too – not just restricted to English. 🙂

I have re-re-re-….read many books apart from these and do so all the time. I would like to know your re-re-re-… reading experiences and the books you re-read and want to re-read. Do share!

Back with a BANG!

It’s been 2 years since I wrote something, leave “blogged”, but actually “wrote” something! I have no intentions of dedicating this post in reasoning out this absence of mine. In this period of 2 years, its not that I’ve just put my mind in the ‘silent mode’ of writing – I tried, but nothing came out of it. Again, ‘Why was that so?’ is not what I am going to talk about, but ‘Why / How is that I’m writing again?’ is what I intend to discuss.

This summer when I’m back home from my university like always, nothing much changed from the old times. Well, I always feel rejuvenated when I’m home for my holidays – away from all the monotonous, frustrated, non-challenging life of my university – only this time, the kind of rejuvenation was different from the old times.(This is my 4th summer of graduate life). (Thanks to my cousin) I found this cheerful lady, superwoman , who has been uploading videos of her down-to-earth insights on little things which we all have but usually do not give a second thought to. I have instantly become a fan of hers! One day, I suddenly heard myself saying, “Hey, I had something similar to this – My blog!” When I read the comments posted on her videos – some appreciating while some criticize and some just abuse for no reason – I thought, in spite and no matter what people say or do not say, this lady keeps doing what she loves to with all the energy, zeal and passion. And she is no short of ideas; be it entertaining, funny, serious, boring, she does what she has to – she keeps going! And the reason, I stopped blogging for two years? Not able write? Ideas are not flowing? “C’mon, give me a break, Nikhila!”

After this thought crossed my mind, loads of other people on the tv, newspapers, random people on the streets, from my own life started making impressions on my mind and subconsciously persuading me to re-open my hobby of writing. So, with all my energy and passion back on track, (and hitting myself on the head for stopping for lame reasons), here I am again, promising myself and my readers with regular posts or ‘reflections’ from my life, with a BANG!. #MotivatingMyselfToKeepGoing !

Image: Internet

P.S. : Thanks to all the numerous people and myself for motivating me! 🙂